Linkedin
Facebook
Email
more
Forming good relationships with fellow colleagues is often a by-product of the trust and respect that exists in a positive relationship. These connections help to grow networks and, of course, they are what makes a workplace feel more personal, but how do you deal with a fellow colleague who approaches you for assistance on personal matters?
With organisations becoming increasingly aware of mental health, there is a growing need to educate all employees on basic employee counselling. This article is a very basic guideline and is not intended to be used in order to replace any formal training, nor is it intended to be used as a guideline for assisting people in life-threatening situations. Mental health and employee counselling is complex and should be taken seriously so that people can get the right help at the right level.
If you are in a situation where a colleague is looking for help on a problem, you can consider the following basic counselling points to provide the best advice you can.
1. How do you feel?
Your first obligation is to yourself, so checking your own thoughts on being approached by your colleague is the starting point. In most instances, the fact that your colleague is approaching you means that they trust you and respect your opinion. In response, you have an obligation to provide your colleague with the best advice you can. However, there are a few occasions where you may immediately feel that there is too much of a leap to step into the realm of your colleague’s personal problems, or that it is simply inappropriate given other variables. In that instance, honesty is best and gently advise your colleague that you are not the right person to speak to, and if necessary refer them to Human Resources.
2. What’s happening?
Assisting your colleague is a choice. If you choose to assist with their personal issues start with the basics and find out what is happening and get a clear picture of the problem.
Reduce the initial stress that your colleague is presenting by unravelling the problem into smaller, manageable pieces and encourage them to keep an open mind in terms of possible solutions.
Once you have heard the story, and believe you understand the issues, make sure you have clarity by asking a few questions. Be careful not to inadvertently be condescending.
Try to give your colleague some different ways to view the problem so they can alter the way they have been seeing themselves in relation to the problem, or help them to see beyond it in order to find a resolution. Assessing different facets of a problem sometimes helps to alter the initial thinking pattern in regards to the different issues.
If the issues are complicated and convoluted, begin to unwind them into sub-problems to understand the situation more deeply and make the issues more manageable.
Try to identify the key issues and consider where logic and emotion are intercepting on each issue.
3. The answers
If your colleague is raising a significant personal issue that you feel you are not qualified to assist with, then suggest they get help with a qualified professional. Sometimes a referral is the best advice you can give, and this can happen at any point in the informal counselling process. If your colleague refuses professional assistance and you believe that there is a significant need for intervention, immediately report the matter to HR so the matter can be assessed and action can be taken if necessary.
When addressing the different issues, start with the things that will make a difference. Ask your colleague to assess what they believe are the most important issues and to prioritise each issue, assigning a value from most important to least important. As soon as possible, address the issues that are easily resolved. This will help your colleague to feel empowered, and encourage them to take control of what may otherwise be an overwhelming situation.
Help your colleague to imagine possible outcomes without initially limiting their thinking with practical realities, so that they can be encouraged to think more creatively about resolving the issue.
Use the possible outcomes to work backwards and identify achievable goals that would likely lead to the desired outcome. Goals should be flexible, if possible, and setting a time frame to achieve them is useful to push action and direction. They should not add to an already stressful situation.
Finding the answers should be about showing your colleague that they have choices and the possibility of resolving the matter exists.
At this point, it is sometimes necessary to do a cost-benefit analysis on whether your colleague feels that the cost of achieving the goals and the time it will take is still worth the benefit. Examine their incentives for achieving the goal or resolving the underlying issues and make sure it is still worth it in terms of time, money and energy.
4. Action
Assist your colleague to develop a framework, do not develop the framework for them as it undermines the feeling of control and empowerment that the preceding steps are trying to achieve. It may take a day, a week or a month for your colleague to create an effective action plan. This is their problem, so give them the space to take ownership of it and to decide on the pace and direction they wish to take.
Encourage your colleague to keep track of the progress they are making towards resolving the issues and to keep reformatting the plan. This ensures there is no disillusion when life doesn’t work in straight lines. Even with a plan there will be challenges and hiccups - it’s how they deal with them that counts.
5. Hazards and drawbacks
Relationships can shift and it is most important not to allow the role of informal counsellor to encroach upon, or compromise, your professional working relationship. Being aware of this and ensuring there is no conflict of interest is absolutely critical.
Assisting a fellow colleague can be very rewarding and can boost the trust in the working environment, but it is necessary to be mindful of the time and energy that is spent on another employee’s personal problems.
Keep reconsidering your own position and the effects that your conduct and discussions are having on the employer. In particular, employment relationships, as in your relationship with your employer requires both loyalty and trust. Be aware of any possible conflict of interest and make sure that issues are escalated if there is any uncertainty or discomfort with any aspect of the informal counselling process.
If you do assist a colleague with a personal matter, be careful not to engage in gossip and treat the situation as sensitive.
Candice Eaton-Gaul
Regional Director: HR and Labour Consulting at RSM South Africa
